Reflecting The 15th.

 I’m gonna be turning 16 soon. It’s time to get deep and reflect the 15th. Whatever I learned, regardless of whether I implemented it or not. 

I’m not sure if this’ll be the best blog you’ve ever read. But this certainly was the best I’ve ever written.

So I know this may proceed to appear as a blog which represents two sides of the same coin. Pessimistic and optimistic. And it’s important to discuss all the factors as I put too much time into writing this blog. It honestly wasn’t a work to write this, it was more complicated to decide what deserves to stay here and what gets disposed before I publish.

Realization :- realizing your mistakes is not a step towards maturity, improvement, or anything. All it represents is that you have a functional conscience. I realize mistakes only after I commit them, except the time where I stopped myself from buying Drake’s poetry book where all I’d get is 6 words per page. Mistakes can be what we say to friends, to our closed ones and to the people we interact with. The biggest problem with me was being unfiltered to a fact that if I blurted out something, not only might it be hurtful, it may also be vague and sometimes misunderstood. And well, congrats, you realized your mistake. But there’s nothing you can do to take the impact back. because not committing a mistake like that in the first place would’ve been better. This is also what leads a person like me to create more doubt onto myself and my relations.

Overthinking :- overthinking seems to be quite a problem with me. It can be about the mistakes I’ve made, analyzing the interpretations of my friends and even strangers. I understand it’s quite a dangerous thing, and it’s also time consuming. But It might’ve grown to a point where it’s literally a trait of mine, I can’t help but do it whenever I feel it’s necessary. I can’t even stop it. And what can people do about it? Sign a patent and term it as a medical condition and get the doctors to give me a pill? Nah.

Ankit and a sense of belongingness :- I’ve always searched for people that have made me happy, and loved them to an extent where it’s impossible to not share everything with them. If I used to, or do share everything with you? Just remember it’s because I treated you as someone who’s extremely close to me.

What comes with this is a sense of reciprocation of the same feelings and belongingness. Which I later realized, is not what I receive from the few friends that I treated closely. Although it hurts, it was one of the most prominent lessons in my life. It’s honestly a waste of time to treat people closely, only to realize later that you may not even cross their minds most of the time. If they can’t initiate conversations with me, I might as well be of no matter to them. And the only thing better than falling into this delusion of a close friendship is to not get to it in the first place. This is the reason I stopped talking to a few people. Or just one, actually. Some may suggest me to socialize, but what if I don’t wanna? What’re you gonna do? Make me sit on Discord and chat?

I just hope the people reading this realize that they’re the ones being pointed in the above topic. I hope they do, even if it’s the last thing I get out of my writing. After all I did think I had a close friend.

Flattery :- flattery for me is like a rare Pokémon. And what comes with rare stuff is not knowing the proper way of handling them. I do get compliments, but they’re so selective and rare that whenever I get one, I just nod my head and say “Thanks” in the most sublime way possible. This may create an egoistic appeal. Talk about a distorted human.

THE GOOD PART :- 

Enough has been talked about the starting and ending bread of the loaf. It’s time to come to the middle pieces of the loaf.

Music has been pretty awesome. I realized that I’m pretty out of touch with the popular stuff, mostly because I don’t exactly favor Pop genre. But hip-hop is not just awesome to listen to, it’s pretty funny when it comes to some artists. Some artists I listen to feel like they’ve lost their vocal cords, haven’t hit puberty and everything else which is pretty crazy.

The best part about my 15th year of subscription On planet earth was realizing how important it is to be humble. I’ll agree I’ve bragged before to my friends, but it was only when it was obviously sarcastic or something which deserved to be said. I have done some actually cool stuff as well. Duh.

Back to reflecting some neutral points :-

Stupid but an acceptable aim :- I still haven’t heard anyone say what all I’m good at. And that’s what I aim for. As crazy as it sounds, I want people to tell me what I’m good at. I want them to like being with me and tell me how much they hate it when they’re apart from me. I’m not the best human being this world has ever seen, but I’m clearly not the worst. I realized that if I can’t get the people I like to initiate conversations with me, or have basic trust in me, then I’m nothing. I know I can’t be the best person, but it surely doesn’t hurt to try to be the best. 

Preferences and my dad :- My dad is someone who is not exactly caught up with any of the new stuff that goes on. He’s really good at his job, but when it comes to new movies, music, shows, he’d never catch a hold of it.

I used to think my dad is boring, until I realized that I don’t catch onto any new shows except Anime ones, don’t listen to new music unless it’s hip-hop and I probably bore my friends as well. Clearly way better than how I’ve mentioned about my dad here, but still talks about not catching up to all the trends.

Mentioning my dad was important, since when I was 5th grade-ish small, I used to think he’s not cool at all. But I realized that everyone has a preference and if that man gets what he wants at the end of the day. Then he’s a successful human being.

He bought a soundbar for listening to classical music, CLASSICAL MUSIC. and I also jammed my hip-hop stuff on it, which clearly deserves the soundbar tech more than any classical genre. But this man is completing his dreams because he works hard enough and earns good enough to do that. This man has managed his family pretty good and has the most amazing child ever (I have no siblings by the way.) then it’s futile for me to ever think about who deserves to be what kind of a person. Hell, I don’t even have the right to judge anyone for it. This might be somewhat common, but to arrive at this verdict and the full realization happened during my 15th year. So there’s that.

Okay, time to wrap this up.

I’m still grateful to be here honestly. I survived 2020 without getting Covid, and I’m still waiting for the government to give some award for that. I never met any wrong people in life, I know I’ve spoken quite a lot about my friends over here, But they were all good people, they just probably weren’t for me, or inclined or interested towards me. I’ve got a good and supportive family, they don’t care what I do as long as I know what I’m doing and have a proper roadmap of my purpose. As Osama Bin Laden once said, “be a happy boy.”. I tend to follow this quote in life and move ahead.

Honestly, life ain’t at its best, but it ain’t the worst either. And it’s safe it assume most people would say this. Congratulations to the ones with the best peers who can help them get through anything, and talk to them. They’re the lucky group for real.

Also, if you’re still reading, what the heck? Who are you? Someone who cares about me?

(Inspirational message) And to any depressed or sad dude reading this, don’t think about ending your life. We ALL need to outlive our enemies, eat more choco-pies and most importantly,  celebrate the downfall of paper straws and the victory of plastic straws.

This blog is longer than my level of self-esteem. Anyhow, I’ll end this here without saying anything corny.